Lyrics: What am I doing in this movie house
Why do I come here every night?
I don't really know, there ain't an answer
It's just something I do
The popcorn's too greasy and the chairs are too small
And the Milk Duds ain't too good at all
People keep spillin' their Cokes and their Pepsi's, it's like the floor is covered in glue
I think that's Charles Bronson
He's about to kill some punks
There's no plot, just lots of violence
Why do I watch this junk?
What am I doing sittin' here
Watching a poorly dubbed Japanese film?
They only talk when their lips aren't moving
And half of what comes out don't make sense
Here I am watching a horror flick
Full of bad acting that makes me sick
The house lights stay on for half of the movie
Yet somehow, I've got no defense
Hey, there's Ted Nugent
Am I watching some rock 'n' roll film?
Hey, wait, there's Dolly Parton
I hate country music but here I go again . . .
Yeah, I'm hooked on bad movies
I saw Cobra two-hundred times
It takes all my time and eats my money
All I've got left are nickles and dimes
Tell me, Doc, am I okay?
Or have I lost my mind?
Is life so unkind that I'd be
Still hooked on bad movies
And stay like that for the rest of my days
Watching cult classics and
Real washouts
I just want to have fun but there must be better ways
Not "Plan Nine from Outerspace"!
Not Friday the 13th the Fifth Chapter of the Second New Beginning
Cecil B. Demil, where are you when I need you?